[LarrysList] British humor

Larry Staples larrystaples at mac.com
Wed Jul 25 08:40:12 CDT 2018


Normally I do not post non-ham messages on Larry’s List.  I am making an exception here, because, one of the area’s most notable hams, Chester, K0TCB, sent this to me.  Enjoy.

Larry, W0AIB

===========================================

BRITISH  HUMOR IS  DIFFERENT THAN USA’s
These are alleged classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K.  Newspapers:

FREE  YORKSHIRE TERRIER.  
8  years old,
Hateful little  bastard.
Bites!

FREE  PUPPIES  
1/2  Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE  PUPPIES. 
Mother  is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.  
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in  a single bound.
  
COWS,  CALVES: NEVER BRED. 
Also  1 gay bull for sale.
  
JOINING  NUDIST COLONY ! 
Must  sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING  DRESS FOR SALE ...  
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie

FOR  SALE BY OWNER.  
Complete  set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45  volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.  No longer needed, got married, wife knows  everything.

Statement  of the Century   
Thought  from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy  Connolly.   "If women are  so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't  have a headache and sex at the same  time?"

 
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children  Are Quick  
______________________________  ______
TEACHER:  Why are you late?
STUDENT:  Class started before I got here
______________________________  ______
TEACHER:  John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the  floor?
JOHN:  You told me to do it without using  tables.
______________________________  ____________
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:  K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:  Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell  it
(I  Love this child)
______________________________  ______________
TEACHER:  Donald, what is the chemical formula for  water?
DONALD:  H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:  What are you talking about?
DONALD:  Yesterday you said it's H to O.
______________________________  ____
TEACHER:  Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we  didn't have ten years ago
WINNIE:  Me!
______________________________  ____________
TEACHER:  Glen, why do you always get so  dirty?
GLEN:  Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you  are.
______________________________  _________
TEACHER:  George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry  tree, but also admitted it.
Now,  Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish  him?
LOUIS:  Because George still had the axe in his  hand.....
______________________________  ________
TEACHER:  Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before  eating?
SIMON:  No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good  cook.
______________________________
TEACHER:  Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as  your brother's..
Did  you copy his?
CLYDE  : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I  want to adopt this kid!!!)
______________________________  _____
TEACHER:  Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when  people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:  A teacher
______________________________  ____
PASS  IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH   
Due  to current economic conditions the light at the end of the  tunnel has been turned  off. 


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